Nightmares of a broken mind
by absolute-insanity
Summary: The times when Kyuubi teaches Naruto about everything, from existence, infinity, causality, reality, god, chakra, time, questions. THIS IS ADDITIONAL TO MY STORY: "Enter Shinigami: Fate or The last Samurai"
1. WHY DOES IT HURT

**_Nightmare #1_**

* * *

I wake up.

**No.**

I dont wake up, I cannot. There are still the same things assaulting the mind of my body.

Have I gone too far?

No. I ignore my own question.

I pity myself. To be blunt, somewhere between hatred and self-loathing I forgot to wake up.

Everytime I look at the watch, I feel angry.

_------------ Time runs backwards._

I do not hate myself. In fact, I love my existence. That is why I still have enough energy left to be concerned, or to pity myself.

There is no such thing as peace. The only ones bringing peace are Anti-heroes, because heroes can't accomplish anything like that.

**Heroes fight.**

They fight for something, therefore they cannot bring peace.

Somewhere deep within me, I want to be a hero. But as written above, I do feel hatred.

Am I an Anti-hero? Somebody who is trying to not disturb anybody, somebody who is doing nothing wrong?

I compensate. That's all I do. I hate myself for my helplessness-

but still, I don't want to be at fault at anything.

I live peacefully, without regret.

But why?

Why does i**t hurt s**o much?


	2. WHAT IS

**_Nightmare #2

* * *

  
_**

**Existence.**

When you saw the Kyuubi no Yoko there was no fear. Many would think they experience fear when looking at the beast. But they know _nothing_ of fear.

You experience „fear" when thinking about hell. But in hell you dont feel fear.

In hell, you experience agony.

_There is no hell._

We made hell, so we have a definite reason to do the right thing.

Fear isn't when you stand before something that is threating your body or anything that belongs to you. You feel fear when you know you can do nothing about it. You feel fear when you absolutely know, it will happen. The people feel at peace when they know something comes to an end and the topic is closed forever.

That, is **fear**.

_**First**_, fear is not something bad. Our mind makes our body feel fear to survive longer.

Fear is when you know something, but you dont want this fact to be true. Your mind says only: „_I hope it isnt true_", voila, fear.

_That brings me to the original topic._

You feel fear when you ask yourself: „Why is anything?" If you think about it, it seems completely illogical that there is anything. There was nothing, why is there anything now?

That is a thought a human mind cannot comprehend when its overridden by pure fear.

Because there would be an answer like: „There still is nothing" that would bring us to the logial conclusion: „We are not"

Our mind doesnt want to accept that. This is the first wall that separates us from being on par with a entity we call „god".

The second barrier is the most logical of them all.

Causality. Many people think our potential is blocked, because we have to follow the rules of causality. That is true and not true at the same time.

We exist, because the source of everything isnt something that was caused; thats why we cannot comprehend it. But we live, because we can foresee what we will do, need and want.

Because of causality, we know that we will be hungry sooner or later. What do we do? We go get something to eat so when we get hungry, everything will be prepared already.

Isnt that comfortable?

We can see into destiny and into the past using just that, causality. Fate, destiny and karma.

Of course that all exist; its nothing but a synonyme for what will happen.

Thats why there are those things: causality. Everything that could possibly be foreseen, which is propably everything but the becoming of existence, is destiny. And it functions the other way around too. If there is a plate with food, you know something prepared the food. That did happen. If you see a baby, you know the baby resided nine months within the womb of a woman – lets hope it for the baby that it did and is not an experiment or anything like it.

Our mind is bound to causality from the very beginning, because causality is so comfortable.

Lets apply the concept of „_**causality**_".

You are writing something. Are you writing something?

There begins it. The question states beyond thousand things before we come to the original meaning. Are you writing something? And now we apply.

_Are you? Yes_

_Is there more? Yes_

_Do you have substance? Yes_

_Can you control your substance? Yes_

_Are you moving? Yes_

_Do you have anything to grab something? Yes_

_Are you comunicating somehow? Yes_

_Are you leaving marks somehow? Yes_

_Are you writing? Yes._

Of course i am not done, but thats just an example how comfortable that is.

We give us answers just like that.

There are no definite answers.

Thats what i am trying to say.

**a + a = a**

or

**something + something = something**

_Thats not an answer, thats a fact._

_A rule._

_Causality._

„Something + Something" **IS WITHOUT EXCEPTION** „Something"

_Very comfortable._

**_Foolish._**

_There are no answers._

Can you really give an answer to: „Are you?"

Sokrates answered: „As long as i think, i will be."

Thats where our mind ends. That is the strongest barrier. Its so big and powerful that we arent seeing the forest for the trees.

Our mind relies on causality. But causality does **NOT** exist.

Like i said, at the beginning there was nothing.

**Something + Something = Something**

or

**Nothing + Nothing = Nothing** **_-- BUT WE ARE._**

Thats where our causality ends, our mind blanks out and we invent god.

_God is comfortable._

Causality is comfortable too, but it does not exist.

Because god is „_Something_"... wrong.

_Nothing + Nothing_ **IS NOT** _Something._

_So there cannot be god. We cannot be._

Our mind blanks out, we cant comprehend what the meaning behind the sentence is and the one reading this right now is nodding dumbly.

The answer to a question is the question itself. **a + a = a.**

If the question is „**a**" the answer is too, „**a**".

Causality says: _a+a = 2a_

**But causality does not exist.**

_There is the answer and the question._

They are the same. There are no definite answers, so you have to answer yourself without giving an answer, because it would be _wrong_. You answer the question „Are you writing" with the equivalent.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is a rule of balance.

_**The only definite answer is the question**_, because it means just that, what is in mind. Any other human would think something other of it.

* * *

_There are no definite answers._

_But this is an answer in itself._

_Thats where the contradiction begins._

_There is an exception to the rule of „There are no definite answers"._

_The exception is the rule itself. It is an answer without a question._

_

* * *

_

A/N Yes thats right. I really am believing what i wrote and yes, I came up with it on the spot.

* * *


	3. Lone Clouds

____ Lone clouds__

Understanding eternity. Being a sent being, only having one purpose.

Being true to himself. Something that is not easy.

He uses gods powers, but he isn't god.

The teen became a part of existence the moment causality began.

Naruto isn't existence, but a part of it.

He has never known things akin to humans.

The teen was a loner, somebody who stands ways off and watches.

He is a sacrifice with only one answer given to his questions.

As he is the one, who seeks redemption for something,

**_________that has not happened.**


	4. LONELINESS

LONELINESS

Because beneath those bloody skies  
there was only regret, a black dot  
shining sadistically, laughing, mocking

THE PATH TO HELL IS PAVED WITH GOOD INTENTIONS

Words that ring true, when there  
was hate, despair, so much hate  
A blue sky, promising a glorious and  
happy future, while the earth is  
dyed red in our blood trying to  
protect, protect, protect, failing  
and dieing alone filled with hate  
and loneliness  
Colors that cannot be described  
by human eyes and vocal cords,  
because they aren't made to  
understand the colors the god  
weeps when he sees his  
creations fighting for him and  
loosing against themselves, succumbing  
to a pain that made everything,  
that everything is made of, and  
god is just a lie like everything  
else that we believe to know

IN THE END EVERYBODY DIES ALONE

Because we cannot escape it, nothing  
about us is made to escape it, wanting  
human contact is just an instinct to  
mate, not enough to flee far enough  
You cannot flee far enough, because  
space and matter has nothing to  
do with it, while everything is bathing  
in it all the time and don't notice it, because-

BECAUSE PEOPLE SEE ONLY WHAT THEY WANT TO SEE

Another reason why we will never  
be able to escape this madness is  
because we are lieing about the place,  
the dilemma we are in every second  
of our life, until we notice that  
it is not there to make us hate,  
kill and bleed, but it is just the  
way everything is, we cannot change  
that, we need to change ourselves,  
the ones who are in the wrong, because  
we feel bad about it and nothing  
else, the reason for life isn't change  
but contentment and we fail  
to see it and therefore to achieve it.

BENEATH THOSE BLOODY SKIES

Because in the end we stand in the middle  
of this place, watching the ice cold  
cold ice cold rain crying the world and  
you a river and we cannot do anything  
as we laugh at the absurdity of life and  
ourselves, when in the end with the dieing  
breath of the last second we see  
the color god cries for somebody  
who does not exist.

_Have you seen it?

* * *

_

(A/N):

Hell yes. Have you seen the color it weeps?

I posted this piece right after reading the second review of this 'story'. Thanks goes to ChronoMitsurugi for motivating me.

( I'm thinking about letting him make an appearance in my next dialogue in The last Samurai. )

P.S. The shit I'm smoking is _**THE**_ shit.


End file.
